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Me time

What balance?

manuelita otero

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How often have you found yourself searching for balance in life like a sought-after award? Like it’s something that could change your life forever? I am amazed how sometimes we are so obsessed with finding the perfect balance, which in a way leads us to live very unbalanced lives. We seem so concerned with this unreachable balance that is sold to us, and we start stressing more than necessary.

Of course having a balanced life can be healthy: “keep harmony between work and rest, balance between your free time and your studies, eat a balanced diet, invest your money in a balanced way…” and on and on.    It is necessary to avoid extremes that can be negative for us, but it is also good to understand that listening about this “balanced life” over and over can be overwhelming because it is something unattainable, based on a perfect life, which we know doesn’t exist, at least not in this life. And that’s when the exact opposite happens: wanting so much balance in everything and with everyone we end up losing the little balance we had, we forget that each victory is a process. We are humans and we make mistakes. We forget that we are unique with different stories and that is the reason why balance has to look different for each of us. We also forget that balance may come at different times in different areas so to expect to be always in the middle in perfect equilibrium is unrealistic to say the least.  

That is what I am going through at this moment with the education of my little one, when it finally hit me. I have been running like crazy searching for balance for more than 5 years. Even before my daughter was born I would read, listen, and think that I would be that smart mom who did everything right. I would put limits to my baby, but I would also be flexible and loving, I would give her a lot of the things she wanted, but at the same time I would teach her that in life you have to hear “no” once in awhile. I would spoil her, but in a good way. I was going to be the “perfect mom” and I was going to achieve that coveted balance and my child was going to be very happy.

The search for balance in my motherhood became such an obsession that I think I spent more hours trying to reach balance than actually enjoying my time with my daughter in a more relaxed way. The desire to give my daughter a perfect education (because whether we accept it or not we want to give our children the perfect education) distracted me from what really fills my heart with joy: seeing my beautiful daughter smile, feeling connected to her and being with her without so much correction and discipline. Little by little without even realizing it I decided that during this season of our lives the balance that I am searching for is going to look more like flexibility than a strict, disciplined regime. It is going to include a lot of loving and fun moments, even a little spoiling because that is exactly what we need.  

It wasn’t easy to decide, and it was especially challenging to say it out loud, but it is what it is and it couldn’t be better. I am all about being our best selves but instead of spending hours searching and stressing over that perfect balance I have decided that I want to give myself a less balanced year and a more relaxed one.

Ana

It’s my time

manuelita otero

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Have you ever wanted to do something that you knew would make you very happy, but it seemed a little crazy, a little impossible, and maybe even a little selfish? I don’t know if it comes with the territory of being a mom, but for years many of my decisions were made thinking about my children first. It would happen automatically and it worked out great. I never felt I neglected myself, and I don’t regret it for a minute. I lived every moment to the fullest. I enjoyed my children when they were babies. I was happy to drop them off at school, make their lunches, pick them up and take them to their afternoon activities. I loved going to my daughter’s rehearsals and my son’s tennis practices. As they got older I loved driving them around, listening to their stories, meeting their friends, picking them up from dances, and making late snacks. And as they started to focus on their passions I loved seeing them dream big and work hard. But life goes on and children grow and as they do they need their parents in different ways, so when my daughter said that she wanted to do a summer acting course at Guildhall School of Music and Drama in London and she wanted me to go with her I immediately accepted. It could have been the protective mother in me wanting to be close to her as she traveled abroad, or the traveler in me who won’t miss an opportunity for a trip, or it could simply be me who wanted to spend a month without cooking, cleaning, driving anyone around and just doing what I wanted. Sounds a little selfish? Maybe, but I  think we should all be able to take some time on our own, time to think, to walk aimlessly for the joy of walking, and to allow curiosity define the route. I am aware of the luxury it is to take one month away, especially in London! I know the blessing it was and I know how God made the impossible possible.

The funny thing is how I approached it at the beginning. I felt embarrassed. As people asked me “Are you going?... For the whole time?” I would feel guilty saying yes and the next question was always “What are you going to do?” I felt I needed a “to do” list so it would be ok for me to go, as if just going because it was an amazing opportunity wasn’t enough. I started making a list of all the things I was going to do: Work on a book I started the last time I visited London, finish the review of the book that we are publishing soon, writing blogs and taking photos for Happily, taking visuals for my daughter’s music video… the list could go on because that’s my nature, to do, to be productive, to use time wisely. But as the trip approached I decided that I could make a lot of plans for my trip, but my main goal should be no plans. It was ok to tell people that I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I knew it was going to be amazing. Doing “nothing” is ok once in awhile and I really feel this is my time. My children are grown, I have my job, I have some free time, I have finally learned to truly enjoy being me. I am comfortable in my own skin. All these things took time, sacrifice, effort, and some tough lessons so I am celebrating now.  

How was my trip? It was unbelievable! I loved being on my own, and I loved being there when my daughter would come home after class excited talking about all she had learned. I loved being able to manage my time, to simply sit and watch people go by and write and write and write. I loved going to museums day after day to see the same paintings because each day I would notice something different and because I could take the time to find it. I loved the long walks, the al fresco dinners (sandwich at a park), the amazing architecture, the well known sites and the hidden streets. I loved doing nothing and I loved doing it all.

Maybe taking a month off to go to a far away place is not that easy, maybe a day, half a day, or an hour is more realistic. It’s more a decision and an attitude than anything else. Ready to make this your time?

Manuelita @manuelitaotero

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A Creative Morning

manuelita otero

Who doesn’t love some creative time once in awhile? How about once a month on Friday mornings? That’s what Creative Mornings is all about, creative people gathering together in cities all over the world. My daughter and I love it. It is such a special time for us because we know we will meet interesting people, be inspired, and gain a new perspective on things which always helps us with the projects we are working on.

Our last meeting was no exception. The guest speaker was William Massey, a freelance artist, sculptor, creative entrepreneur, and a co-leader of several art programs. Check out his website https://www.williammasseyart.com/ to see his art which is amazing! But what I liked even more was his attitude and his heart.

As he approached the stage, he didn’t say a word and calmly sat on the floor and started taking off his shoes. There was total silence, then he started to talk. From that moment I knew I was going to like this guy. He told us how when he was at school he decided to change his major and become an artist because he wanted to “fill his heart and soul instead of his bank account”.  His artwork in many instances uses things people label as “junk” and patiently he transforms them into beautiful works of art. He said that he takes the broken and puts it together, he takes the mess and tries to make sense of it. He takes the same approach in life and is actively involved in many organizations that make sense of difficult situations through art. He has taken his talent and used it in many ways to bring joy to hurting people. He goes to hospitals where he works in art projects with people who are battling cancer, he teaches homeless children art, and he offers free classes at parks so people can come together and create community. His desire to make a difference in people’s lives is genuine and so inspiring. He reminded me of the amazing power of one.

He talked about his family and his trips around the world which happened through “random” encounters. He was willing to “show up with arms open, ready to experience and to jump in without expectations.” I love his attitude, how ready he is to take the opportunities that come along and how he embraces them with what he calls a habit of hope. There’s beauty when we allow ourselves to experience life like this, when we let go of our desire to control everything and absorb as much as possible from all the things that happen, focusing on the good and enjoying the moment.

As William was closing his talk that Friday morning, he shared with us what he calls 8-18-80:

-We need to be an 8 year old, ready to learn, willing to receive, and always in awe and wonder.  

-We need to be an 18 year old, not too logical, having loose expectations, and be willing to jump in.  

-And we also need to be an 80 year old, prepared to observe, knowing who we are and trusting the process.  

So, whatever your path today, whatever your plans, dreams, and hopes, be willing to let go and enjoy the journey. Have a great attitude, appreciate the people you meet, and make the most of every situation. In case you were wondering why William took his shoes off during his talk… He said he wanted to embrace the silence and be comfortable while he was talking to friends. Now do you understand why the last Friday of each month is such a special time for us? Make time to feed your creativity, check out https://creativemornings.com/ to see if there’s a chapter in your city.

Manuelita @manuelitaotero

 

The Good Old Days?

manuelita otero

My children often ask me if I miss them being little and I honestly tell them I don’t. I lived that phase of our lives fully, so I am happy living this one now. I loved them as babies and I love them as young adults. I don’t want to miss today thinking about yesterday.

Do you ever feel pressure or maybe a little nostalgia when looking at the past? I love looking at the past to remember happy memories and even sad ones because all of them made me who I am today, but I don’t want to look at the past wishing I was the same. I am not twenty anymore, and I don’t want to be. I like me, who I have become, what I look like.  I have earned my gray hairs and wrinkles. I’m grateful for my past and excited about my future, but I want to fully live my present.

We are strong and valuable women. Sometimes your day may feel like organized chaos, but you need to know that you are a builder, a solver, a mentor, an encourager, an example… You are a woman.  Know your worth, know your value, know your talents, know your gifts and share them with the world.  Here are some tips to get you going:

- Speak only positive words: Sometimes life is tough, that’s true, and nothing is perfect, but that doesn’t mean we should focus on the negative. Make it a habit to only speak positive words to yourself and others.

- Make time for exercise: You have a lot of good things ahead, so you need to have a strong body to achieve them. Be consistent, this is good for you.  

- Eat healthy: Look carefully at what you are eating. Is it adding to your life or actually subtracting? Let your food choices show how much you love yourself.

- Get enough sleep: There’s so much going on that sometimes we sacrifice our sleep to try to get it all done. Don’t cheat yourself. Getting enough rest will actually help you be more productive the next day.

- Relax: Stress doesn’t add anything positive to your life, learn to recognize it and deal with it.  

- Be quiet: Take some time every day to enjoy the silence, to think, to ponder, to take in what happened the day before. Life moves too fast and you don’t want to miss the special little things.

- Let them watch: Someone is always watching. People may not listen to your advice, but they will watch your life. You have an opportunity to impact in a positive way people’s lives.

These are things I remind myself daily. They are important and they help me live the life I want to live.   What would you like to remind yourself to make today amazing? Who said that the good old days had to be the better days? You can make today your best day yet.

Manuelita

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Make it Happen

manuelita otero

I love thrifting! It’s exciting to find treasures hidden in what seems to be an ocean of “stuff”. The other day during one of my expeditions, I found the cutest measuring cups and a spoon holder.  I couldn’t wait to get home, wash them, and place them in my kitchen. Isn’t it interesting how something so simple can affect you in such a big way?  I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that every time I see them, I smile. There’s a message written on the spoon holder that has been on my mind: “Make it happen!” It has become more than just a cool slogan, it’s a way of life. I am determined to do what I have been created to do, no excuses and no fear.

But what if, like me, you’ve been on this road before, knowing deep inside that there’s so much more, and then feeling frustrated because other things get in the way? How many dreams do you have on hold? Have you put your passion to the side until there’s more time? This may help bring some of those ideas to life:   

  • Be determined: Everything starts with a decision. That’s the first step toward the direction you want to take. After many years of trying to juggle what I really wanted to do and other jobs to stay on the  “safe” side, I realized that if I give half the effort, I will get half the results.   

  • Be wise: Take time to think, plan, study, and prepare.  Take risks, but do it wisely. Clearly define what do you want to achieve and the ways you could accomplish it.  Be daring and realistic at the same time. There’s a balance between believing something amazing, and seeing what you have available to make it happen.

  • Be flexible: Adapt to circumstances as they change. Sometimes we’re focused on getting things done a certain way and we miss opportunities or signs that show us that there are better ways. Keep your eyes open to see the possibilities.  

  • Be happy: This is a journey, so enjoy it! The final destination is important, but everything that happens along the way is valuable, you don’t want to miss it.

Whatever you feel in your heart to “make happen” go for it! Don’t let fear stop you from doing all you can do. Things don’t just happen, you make them happen.  People that you may look up to didn’t become who they are overnight, it took hard work, dedication, persistence, growth, and a great investment.  What are you waiting for to make it happen?

Manuelita Otero @manuelitaotero

 

 

Christmas Blues

manuelita otero

Beautiful decorations everywhere, lights and music, people going and coming buying presents and preparing family gatherings, it’s all so beautiful and at the same time for some people a little overwhelming.  Do you sometimes feel that you just can’t get into the Christmas festive spirit and secretly feel guilty about it? For many people Christmas is a stressful time full of responsibilities or a sad reminder that loved ones are far away or no longer with them.  What to do when everyone around seems so happy and you just can’t join in? There may not be “quick” ways to shake the Christmas blues, but these ideas may help you celebrate this special time of the year:

- Why: Such a simple but powerful word and one that you should be asking yourself often. Finding why certain things are upsetting you will direct your steps toward tangible solutions.   

- Your time: Spend time on your own.  Try not to fill every free minute of your day with things to do.  I know how hard it is, but if you make time each day to do something you enjoy, even if it’s as simple as having a coffee alone, it will help you be energized for the rest of the day.

- The real reason: People celebrate Christmas for many reasons and in different ways.  Keep in mind why do you celebrate it and what it means to you.  Don’t let pressure or stress take away from the reason you celebrate this season.

-Your way: Christmas memories are made when moments are shared from the heart. Don’t try to meet someone’s expectations or compare your celebrations to the people around you. Do things your way.

- Forget perfection: Relax and enjoy it.  If you have guests coming to your home, plan and be ready, but let go of unrealistic expectations.  Most people are there to enjoy time together, not for a perfect meal in a perfect house.

- Share: Giving throughout the year is good, but during Christmas it’s even better. Think about ways you could be a blessing to people around you.  Give the best gift of all: love.  

If you have the Christmas blues know that you are not the only one and don’t feel guilty about it.  Christmas is a beautiful time, enjoy it without pressure.

Manuelita  @manuelitaotero

 

Clarity

manuelita otero

The other day I noticed that my car’s windshield was getting dirty, so I told myself I had to clean it.  The days went by and it just kept getting dirtier and dirtier making it harder to see but there never seemed to be time to clean it. At night I would get home too tired and I had so many other things to do that I’d quickly forget. Until one day I finally decided that it was going to get cleaned no matter what and the difference was amazing. Everything looked brighter; I actually was able to admire my surroundings.  I wonder why it took me so long to do something as simple as clean a windshield. As I was driving back home I started thinking that this could be a picture of how sometimes we don’t make time to clean up the things that are obstructing our visibility.

We know when we aren’t doing well.  We know when something isn’t right in our lives, when we’re missing something or when we’re headed in the wrong direction. There are little signs trying to warn us, we may be moody, not ourselves, or simply unhappy.  And those signs may go on for weeks, months and even years, until they become something a lot harder to solve.

If we don’t have clarity in our lives, how can we go ahead? Clarity takes time and effort, just like everything else worthwhile in life.

So, what do you do if the “windshield” of your life is a little dirty and you simply can’t see where you’re going? Here are a few ideas:

  • Notice: The first thing is to notice that there is something obstructing the way.  Once you realize or accept that something needs to be done about a certain feeling, thought or situation, you are starting to head in the right direction.
  • Decide: When you notice that something needs to be addressed is the beginning, but doing nothing about it is not going to give you any solution. You can think, complain and talk about a problem all day long, but if you don’t actually analyze it and do something about it, the situation is still going to be there and with time it may get worse. You see it, you do something about it.
  • Schedule: We all have busy lives, things that are happening around us, people who seem to be pulling from every side and if we’re honest many times our issues are put to the side to comply with the needs of others. Schedule “me time” moments where all you need to think about is you.
  • Analyze: Dig deep to find the real cause of what you’re going through. Take the time to clearly define what is really bothering you and discover the reason why.  It may take a while, it may be painful. It will be worth it.
  • Go forward: Celebrate each step of your “cleaning” process.

Take advantage of the clarity you will encounter as you spend more time on your own.  You and only you are responsible for the direction your life takes, so make sure you see clearly where you’re going.

Manuelita @manuelitaotero

"I want a big bowl of happiness"

manuelita otero

The other day I went to an interesting event that happens once a month called Creative Mornings*. It goes on in many cities at the same time talking about the same topic. There’s something powerful when a large group of creative people exchange ideas and experiences.

As I walked into the room to sign up they gave me a name tag where I had to complete the sentence "I’m weird because…" I put my name tag on and continued, hoping the free coffee and breakfast would help me think of the many reasons why I'm weird.  Free food must ignite creativity, right?

But as I sat there I thought “I'm not weird”.  I never considered myself that. If I'm honest I've always thought weird had a negative connotation. The topic of this month was, you guessed it, “weird” and the speaker was Kyle Brooks, an artist also known as Black Cat Tips. If you look at his website and see his artwork you may think it’s a little weird. He makes what he calls “whimsical roadside art and paints the world happy”.  He paints, writes, and tells stories.

Listening to him made me realize that being weird is good because if you're not weird you're normal. I don’t want to be normal. Maybe it’s just me but I think “normal” is the expectation to act like everyone else, and I want to be me. I don’t want to dress according to the trends or define success the way everyone does.  I want to reach inside, find my passions and gifts and share them. I want to see the good in every situation and know that if things are a little tough now, something better is on the way. I want to be happy and share happiness. Does that make me weird?

I love how Black Cat Tips talked about his journey. Think about it, how does a man decide to start putting bear signs along roadsides and how does he make a living from it? He had a regular job, many of them, but somehow his passion kept calling him and at the end he gave himself a set time to make it work and it did. He told the audience to think about regular things in a different way and to do what makes you happy for your enjoyment without judging yourself. Is that weird?

I still often think about something Kyle Brooks said: “I want a big bowl of happiness.” Doesn’t that sound amazing? What does that bowl look like to you? Maybe we're all a little weird and our weirdness is expressed in what we're passionate about. Sometimes we may be too shy to share it with the world, too busy to even notice, or too afraid to be judged.  But it's there. Maybe being weird is not so weird after all.

Manuelita  @manuelitaotero

*https://creativemornings.com/

No more pressure!

manuelita otero

Do you ever get tired of reading headlines that glorify certain weights and sizes? Articles about a “famous someone” who just had a baby and is now a size 0 or about another one who dared to go out in a swimsuit before her body was “beach ready”. There’s pressure coming from every source, telling us: “you’re too skinny” or “you’re too fat”. The words may be different but the message is the same: “You’re not good enough” and the sad part is that many people believe it.

There are many things I love about growing wiser with the passing of the years and one of those things is the fact that I like myself. I love myself and I can now say it loud without feeling guilty, conceited or arrogant. I’m not perfect but I like the skin I am in. There’s a lot I want to improve, but that doesn’t mean I’m not good enough. The idea of perfection and eternal beauty that society wants to sell us is not real and I’ve decided I will not buy into it. A number on a scale is not going to define how I feel about myself.  What I really want is to become stronger.  I want to be stronger physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

Becoming stronger physically means something different for each person. It could mean being stronger than the desire to sleep one more hour in the mornings and instead getting up to do exercise. It could be the ability to stop eating something unhealthy or doing one extra rep of a tough exercise. It could be running a marathon or walking half a mile. Each goal is as unique as each of us and there’s no need to compare.

The other day my daughter got a part in a film in which she needed to do some major training at the Buckhead Fight Club, a place I had not heard of and one in which I felt a little out of place at first, since it’s a tough looking boxing training area. The people who go there are serious about their boxing and I didn’t think I fit in.  But as I saw my daughter train and how cool it looked and how nice everyone was, I decided to try the boxing fitness class and to my surprise I loved it!  I could never fight in the ring; it’s not my thing, but I can push my limits as I train harder than I ever thought I could. I can punch those sacs not worrying about a thing while I know I am doing something good for my body. I felt out of my comfort zone at first, but stronger and something as simple as a boxing class gave me a new perspective.

Now it’s your turn: Would you like to focus more on yourself and what you are looking for instead of your size and weight? What do you think could help you be stronger? Is there something you’ve been wanting to try and just haven’t? What are you waiting for?

Manuelita  @manuelitaotero

Realizing your Dreams

manuelita otero

As kids we are told to follow our dreams and dream big.  As adults we are told to stay in touch with reality and to keep our heads out of the clouds.  As we live and learn we must be able to come to a reconciling of these mind sets where we make our dreams reality.  Here are some helpful tips to realizing your dreams and goals. Whether they are long term or short term; these steps will help you get there.

Visualize it!  In order to go anywhere you have to see where you are going right?  This is the first step to realizing your dream.  You have to see a picture of where you want to go, what you want to do, and how you will get there.  This is where you derive you vision statement for your mission/dream/goal.  Many times we never realize our dreams because we never follow through and take steps towards fulfilling that dream.  Creating a vision can be as simple as writing the dream down and how you plan to achieve it.  It can start very small with a paragraph or two.  However, as you get deeper into the process, you will add to it.

Verbalize it!  Here is where you take yourself through the process.  This is something you can do alone to start.  However, it is more effective if you do it with someone you feel comfortable sharing with or someone who is resourceful in the area that you are focused on.  Talking things through out loud is a great exercise when you are creating a plan to reach any goal.  When you hear your thoughts you are better able to visualize and bring a deeper understanding to your thoughts.  If you are with someone, they are able to add to your thoughts and make connections you would have never made doing the exercise alone.   This is an ongoing process and as you move through your plan you will have to answer questions.  Here are some questions to answer during these times:  What is my goal?  What is my motivation?  What steps do I need to take to get to point A or point B? From these questions and answers will come more questions and answers which will lead to a more detailed plan.  But be careful not to stray from your original goal!  The more detailed you are, the better your chances are for achieving your goal as long as you maintain your focus.  Be selective and share with like-minded individuals or people who truly love and support you.

Vitalize it! This is the step that involves the most action.  All of the time that you have spent writing your plan, thinking out loud and giving detail to your plan will come to a climax as you begin to actually do those things you have been only dreaming about!  It doesn’t matter how you start this step as long as you start.  Every step counts!  You have carefully planned it out so go for it with complete confidence that you will succeed! 

No matter the age or place in life, we all have goals and dreams that we desire to achieve.  If you can see it with your mind’s eye you are already closer to achieving your dream that you realize.  Now it’s time to intentionally visualize, verbalize and vitalize your dream until it is your reality.

Sunja Harris

Sunja writes, sings and acts.  She is in the process of getting her networking group, DASI.  She says, "I am always ready to share whatever gifts and talents God has blessed me with.  I love to encourage others to do the same". https://www.facebook.com/sunja.harris.9?fref=ts  
https://www.facebook.com/DASI2015/?fref=ts

Jealous, but in a good way

manuelita otero

There’s a moment in life when you realize it’s time to face the issues that you’ve been trying to avoid for years.  That happened to me this year as I finally accepted that envy is one of those things that’s been hanging around longer than it should.  And in a way I knew it, but I wanted to delay it for as long as I could. Who wants to accept that they have issues with jealousy and envy?

I think one of the reasons I didn’t feel the urgency to deal with this is that since I was a little girl I’ve heard things like: “I am so happy for you, I am envious” or “I’m so jealous of you, but in a good way.” There’s a mixed message where envy could be good or it could be bad, so if we try hard enough we could always categorize our envy as the good kind and go on our merry way.

But I noticed that wanting what others have isn’t right because I end up with a sense of emptiness and nothing good can come from that.  I’m ready to let go of the things that are taking away and stealing from my life, and I want to share something I decided to do once I realized my issue. These simple ideas have brought peace in my life, and as I do them often I’m noticing a change in my attitude and my joy:

1.  I made a list of all the people that I envy now or that I have envied in the past, even if I didn’t think about them often.  I wrote their name and what I wished I had that they have. (I am almost sure that we all have our own list hidden deep inside)

2.  Each day I take some time to be grateful for what I have, what I’ve accomplished and what makes me happy related to the areas I wrote in the list above.

3.  I think and write ways I could achieve the things I wish I had.

4.  Finally, through faith I ask for blessings for the people that for some reason I have felt envy, believing with all my heart that good things will happen in their life, and I also ask God to guide me so I can improve what I need to improve. 

I’m not telling you to do the same, since I don’t even know if envy is an issue you need to deal with. All I want is to invite you to think about those things that you may be avoiding. Give yourself some time to deal with those recurrent thoughts that don´t do you any good and that with time, become big, important matters. Then, ask yourself how can you change them into something that helps have a better life. After all, who doesn´t want to live a good life.

Ana

Life is created in the everyday

manuelita otero

The other day my daughter’s vintage clothing store, My Closet Etc, was part of a vintage market in Atlanta, our city.  We were nervous, excited, and a little fearful- the normal mixture of feelings you get when you do something for the first time. The morning of the event we disassembled the clothing racks, packed them up in the car along with all the clothes and beautiful things she sells.  I put the screws and bolts of the racks in a bag and placed them by my purse since I knew I couldn’t forget them. I started getting ready but I didn’t like my outfit so I changed a couple of times, and of course had matching purses with each new option. Finally as we were driving toward the site, I realized that the one thing I wasn’t supposed to forget was buried under a pile of clothes and purses on my bed at home. I knew that without the screws and bolts we wouldn’t be able to set up, so we kept driving, unloaded the car at the site and I headed back home.  I was so mad! It was something so simple, all I had to do was take the screws, was that so hard? As I felt the stress rising, I tried to quiet my thoughts for a second.  In the middle of my frustration I hadn’t noticed how beautiful the morning was.  The sun was peeking through the tall buildings playing with the shadows and making a beautiful sight. Then I noticed there was no traffic, I rolled down the windows and the crisp morning air blew on my face soothingly.  At that moment I made the decision that nothing was going to mess up this beautiful day.  I decided to change my attitude.  

This may not seem like a big deal, but that’s what life is made of, the daily experiences, the activities, situations, and the people we see day by day. That’s when we create memories, and build relationships. That’s what the people around us will remember.  Life is created in the everyday; therefore how we live each day is how we live our life.

We choose what we focus on, and many times we tend to pay more attention to the negative because for some reason it may look more menacing than what it really is.  Maybe it’s fear that enlarges things or the way we have been raised, or the way society has taught us to look at things.  But we can train ourselves to see the positive in everything because no matter the situation there’s always something good.  These ideas may help:

-Be flexible: Go beyond the “I planned, I thought, I wanted”.  Plans often fail and that’s ok because many times that’s when the best memories or lessons in life are created.  Be open to change and go with the flow.  Willing to let go of what you are holding on so tightly will help you enjoy more the moment.

-Be on the lookout: Be determined to find something positive in every situation no matter how hard.  Make it your purpose to keep a positive attitude. With time it will become a habit and an immediate reaction to everything you face in life.

-Make it a story: Have you ever been around people who tell really cool stories? Well, most of those stories originated from moments in which plans went out the window and things took a wrong turn, but their attitude helped them see the positive.  They not only learned something new in the process, but were excited to share it with others.  Do you think if everything went as planned for those people, would they have that many stories to share?

As I arrived to the booth I saw my daughter who smiled nervously, happy I had finally arrived. While she waited, she met other vendors, and learned from their experiences.  We set up our beautiful booth, took some photos and even had time to sit down and have a coffee.  It was, after all, a very good day.

By Manuelita @manuelitaotero

Love yourself and forgive

manuelita otero

What do you think when you hear the word “forgiveness”? Do you think about a difficult situation in your life? Or maybe about a person who hurt you deeply? Sometimes we think forgiveness is for big events; however, our life is made up of daily instances, and forgiveness plays a part in them as well.

Think about it, how much more peaceful would your life be if you practiced forgiveness throughout the day?  Forgiveness is all about letting go and there are many things that happen daily that might be stealing your time, energy, and peace because you are holding on to them. These are small things; maybe even “insignificant” things in the great scheme of life.  For example, in the rush of the morning, you burn your toast, and allow that moment to set the tone for the rest of the day.  Or maybe you are driving and someone cuts in front of you and your anger ruins your commute. If we look back and analyze all the instances in which we allow certain situations to steal our joy and our peace we would find several moments that could have been better if we had let go of the negative feeling and forgave others and ourselves.   

It is difficult to practice forgiveness because it is deeply rooted within us. It relates to justice and our idea of being treated fairly. To add to the challenge, many times we think that if we forgive, we are being passive and “weak”.  The truth is that there’s nothing weak about forgiving. On the contrary, it takes strength, courage and self-control.  It takes character and wisdom because it’s all about being willing to go against what we want at the present moment to be able to enjoy a better future.  It’s doing the right thing not only for others but especially for ourselves, because when we forgive we are free.

There is a difference between forgiving and allowing others to continually hurt us.  We can forgive a person who treated us wrong, but we don’t have to allow them into our lives again so they can keep hurting us.

I know forgiving is not easy; it might be one of the hardest things you do and it is usually a very slow process.  Sometimes it may feel like you take one step forward and three steps back, but each step is worth it. When we forgive we love ourselves above everything else – above our toxic emotions, above what people say or think, above negativity and hate – And as we rise above we feel lighter and happier.

By Manuelita @manuelitaotero

What am I good for?

manuelita otero

Although this may not happen to everyone, I have always believed that one of the toughest moments we can face, especially if you are close to or past your thirties, is the crisis of not knowing what to do with our lives. “I don’t know what I am good for”,
“I don’t know what to do”.   I have often heard phrases like this, not only in my own mind, but also from the people around me.  Each life is different and the reasons may be innumerable; we all have our own unique story.   

This could happen because we studied what our parents chose for us, because we took that job opportunity everyone said couldn’t be passed, or because in our twenties we saw our future so distant, we failed to do a little planning or dedicate enough time to get to know ourselves better and to define our strengths.

This last one is my reason.  Even though I have studied and worked in many interesting things, I think that for years the day to day has taken over and I simply forgot to ask myself – often and without pressure – what are my strengths? What are those talents that come from deep within, which could give me happiness, satisfaction, and success?

Once I realized it, I started to pursue the answer. While doing this, I found a book called: Now Discover your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton - who worked in this topic with more than 2 million people around the world.  I am applying their advice and it has given me such peace that I am convinced something happens when you define your strengths.

The authors recommend filtering through 4 basic things daily activities to determine strengths: 

1st Be aware of your initial response in daily life and in situations of great pressure; in those spontaneous reactions, the dominating talents come out.  For example: if you are a boss and an employee tells you that he or she is going to miss work because their child is sick, what do you think first? Do you think who will take care of the sick child or who will replace the employee? (In the first reaction the strength is empathy and in the second it is organization skills) It is not about judging whether a reaction is good or bad, the goal is to reveal your strength.

2nd Review and “listen” to your wants and desires because those reveal a constant attraction toward your natural talents.  Your wants show your strengths from a young age, even though in many cases family, economic or social pressure may drown them.

3rd Observe what you learn easily, it is a clue of your talents.  You may have seen how some things seem easy to understand, while others are just too hard.  

4th Analyze your satisfactions.  Be aware of the moments in which you enjoy something.  You know when you feel in your zone, enjoying fully what you are doing.  

These four keys have been such a wonderful beginning to see what I am good for.  For example, with this method I discovered that at work I am really good at following step by step protocols and things that are organized, while at the same time I see ways to improve them and make them more efficient, and the best part is that I love doing it!

There is plenty of information about this topic and it has been reviewed by psychologists, coaches, and successful business people, but what really matters is if you take the time to simply ask yourself what do you love doing.  

By Ana

 

 

Life’s more than a “to do” list

manuelita otero

“I haven’t done anything today!”  That’s what I say many times at the end of the day as I look at the long list of things I need to do.  And believe me; I am not proud of this.  Not that I didn’t do anything, because that is not true. On the contrary, I usually do more than I can believe possible, but for some reason I have decided to label many of the things I do as “not that important” so I don’t count them.  I wonder when did I decide that buying groceries, paying bills, cleaning the house, and driving my children to their activities shouldn’t be counted as part of the important things I do?  Why do I sometimes feel so unproductive even though I haven’t stopped during the whole day?

Don’t you feel there is a daily battle with time? It goes by so fast and we want to do so much: We have loved ones, our own projects, obligations, and work and we just don’t seem to have enough time for everything. Women are constantly on the go, working at home and outside and organizing everything needed for their homes to run smoothly.  I admire women, not because I am one, but because women are amazing and sometimes we don’t celebrate ourselves enough. Realizing this has helped me overcome the “not enough” mentality, and now I celebrate me and all that I do. It has helped me focus on what is important, to slow down and enjoy the moment and at the same time be happier. We don’t get more done when we are in a rush, we just feel like we do. To be honest I am still learning, so I wanted to share what has helped me feel more productive each day:  

Make a list: I love lists! But at times I have a love-hate relationship with them because I tend to write too many things, so obviously at the end of the day all I see are the things I haven’t done and  I end up feeling discouraged. I have decided that it helps to write down everything I need to do to remember it later, but I now choose the three things that I have to get done that day and after that everything is a bonus.   

Schedule time for you: Do what you love each day.  We need balance in our life and we can’t continue doing everything for everyone and leave our preferences and passions for later.  If you love to paint, make time to paint, or take photographs, or do exercise or have a coffee on your own… Whatever makes you happy, make time for it.

It takes a village: When I say “I haven’t done anything today”, my seventeen year old daughter quickly reprimands me, and I can’t tell you how much that helps. Find people who are close to you and ask them to let you know when you are speaking negatively about yourself.  

Watch the time thieves: I am so proud of how organized I am with my time until I decide to pick my phone up and then 30 minutes are gone just like that.  Social media is great, just not all the time because if we allow it to, it could steal not only our time and productivity, but the opportunity to enjoy our surroundings, to awaken our creativity, and to build memories.  

If we are not careful, life can become a long list of things to do, and who wants to live like that? When we worry so much about “doing”, we may stop enjoying ourselves, the people around us, and the things that we have.   Define what matters to you, not what people expect or demand, but what is important to you. Once you have your priorities clear, trace a realistic plan to achieve them without losing your peace. Celebrate all you do, even the little things because that’s what life is, a compilation of lots of little moments that become memories. Enjoy your today.

By Manuelita @manuelitaotero

 

 

Me first once in a while…Why not?

manuelita otero

Do you remember that joy that you would feel when as a little girl or as a teenager your parents would allow you to go to that road trip with your cousins, or to the party you really wanted to go?  

Many times we would approach our parents or the person who was taking care of us and shyly ask for the special permission. Most likely, if our parents saw that there were no risks, they would let us go, making us the happiest people on earth.

As I look around now in my life and the life of my friends, I feel that nowadays  we are forgetting to give ourselves those “special permissions” we wanted so badly as little girls.  We are saying no to small things such as a free day for ourselves once in a while, an afternoon at the spa or at the beauty salon or watching our favorite program… little somethings that make us feel happy.

It seems that as time goes by we allow guilt to grow, to the point that it steals our capacity to “spoil” ourselves in a good way, to take care of us, and to do things that we enjoy.

I say this because I have noticed that when I give myself a little something, I feel I have to justify it to others.  I say things such as “I haven’t bought myself anything in a long time”, “I really needed it”, “there was an incredible sale”, as if there is need for an excuse and it is not enough that we bought ourselves something because we love ourselves.

That guilt  is a clue of what could be happening, and it is stopping me from treating myself as the precious and valuable woman that I am..  I don’t have to think that I am a bad mom or a bad daughter because one day I put myself first when it was time to choose something to do or buy something.

Many times out of “respect” for others we do not give ourselves the things that we enjoy because guilt stops us and that guilt usually only exists in our imagination.

To give ourselves time, peace, freedom, trips, clothes, massages, experiences, and many other things should be something that can happen any day. It is good to give ourselves little somethings each and every day of our life.

By Ana

Vacation everyday

manuelita otero

Close your eyes and think about your favorite vacation.  Can you see it? Are there certain smells or foods that take you back to that moment? Can you remember how you felt?  

I wonder what makes vacation time so amazing, and I am not being sarcastic by asking the obvious.  I really want to analyze that “vacation feeling”, because I would like to replicate it in my daily life. Could that be possible; to bring a little vacation into my every day? It just doesn’t feel right that we wait a whole year to have just one or two weeks of that glowing feeling we get during vacation.  There must be other way.

What makes a vacation? Is it freedom from worry, not having a schedule, or time with family?  Not having to cook? Doing nothing by the pool or exploring the outdoors? What if we tried to incorporate those things into our week? We seem to turn our life into a routine when it doesn’t have to be.

I started a list of some ideas to bring vacation into my days, and since everyone’s “vacation feeling” is different, maybe you can continue it with your own ideas:   

- Celebrate with your senses:  During vacation our senses are more awake.  It seems that everything smells fresher, tastes sweeter, and looks brighter.  If we take more time and pay attention to our surroundings we can experience this more often.   

- Spend more time outside: Do you have a balcony? Could you take your lunch break outside in a park, or work outside for a while? A little time in the sun can brighten any day.  

- Dress up or dress down: Many people love vacations because you dress up for dinner, or dress casually and relaxed.  Why should your day to day be any different?

- Make time for your favorite sports: Do you love a sport but don’t have much time to practice? Make some time for it, even if it is only once a week or once a month.  The important thing is to take that first step.  

- Try new foods:  Instead of going to the same restaurant and ordering the same thing, why not visit exotic restaurants and try new foods?

- Make time with family and friends:  Any moment can be made special with family and friends. Sing in the car, talk, play cards, make meals last longer… Create memories.

- Relax and take time for yourself: Schedule some “Me time” by doing what you love at least once a day.

- Take an electronic break: We don’t realize how much time we spend on social media and our electronic devices.  Disconnect more often!

- Drive with the window down listening to loud music: Driving is a perfect opportunity to unwind. Listening to your favorite music and singing along is a great way to bring that vacation feeling into your day.

- Visit new places: Check out what your city has to offer and get ready to discover your surroundings.

I truly believe that with a little practice, that vacation feeling where we are adventurous and see everything as a new experience can be incorporated into our life. Get ready for a little vacation every day of the year.

By Manuelita  @manuelitaotero

 

 

 

 

 

In the moment and loving it!

manuelita otero

The other day we traveled to Miami where we met a special friend who was visiting the U.S.    We went to a place called Wynwood Walls, an amazing area full of giant canvases on warehouse walls of color and life.  It was so revitalizing to be surrounded by so much creativity that my daughter and I just kept saying how happy we were to be there.  I loved every minute of our visit. I was happy to be with the people I was with, not thinking about the menacing gray skies that were promising rain any minute, the chilly wind, or the fact that we had a long list of things we wanted to do.  None of that mattered, because we were enjoying the now.  I must confess, not every moment of my life is like that.  My head is usually full of dispersed thoughts and often I am trying to do several things at once.  But that day I was completely engaged in the moment and I loved it; now I want this to be the norm and not the exception.  

Have you ever gone on vacation and as soon as you arrived you got sad thinking that in a few days you would have to leave?  Or waited for someone special to visit you, but kept thinking that the time will go by so fast that soon they will have to leave again? Or as my mom and I sometimes do, we sit down for lunch and while we eat we start thinking what we are going to prepare for dinner.  Learning to live in the moment takes a lot of practice because usually our minds are full of many things.  We keep going from one thought to another without stopping to enjoy the present. Even if it is hard we should not be discouraged, it is worth to keep trying to slow down and “smell the roses” not only because it is a wonderful way to live, but also because enjoying the now greatly benefits our body and mind.  According to an article by Harvard Health Publications, mindfulness, which is living in the moment,   improves well-being, physical health and mental health.  It helps relieve stress, treat heart disease, lower blood pressure, reduce chronic pain, improve sleep, alleviate gastrointestinal difficulties and it helps in the treatment of problems such as: depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, couples’ conflicts, anxiety disorders and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

An article of Psychology Today states that mindful people are:  “happier, more exuberant, more empathetic, and more secure. They have higher self-esteem and are more accepting of their own weaknesses. Anchoring awareness in the here and now reduces the kinds of impulsivity and reactivity that underlie depression, binge eating, and attention problems. Mindful people can hear negative feedback without feeling threatened. They fight less with their romantic partners and are more accommodating and less defensive.”

These are enough reasons to get us excited about living in the moment, aren’t they? But the question is, how do we do it? I think deep inside many of us may know the answer, but for some reason we just don’t seem to find the time to put it into practice.  How about starting today? One small change in our habits could help us enjoy each moment even more. 

Here are some ideas to get started:

  • Eat without distractions (that includes electronic devices, writing or talking on the phone).
  • Eat slowly, look at the food you are about to eat, and focus on the aroma and flavors.
  • Do one thing at the time.
  • When sitting down with someone for a coffee or having a conversation, put your phone in a place where it can’t be seen.
  • Look at people in the eye when they are talking to you.
  • Take time every day to do something you love.
  • Face problems; deal with one at the time. 
  • Make a list of things to do. Include in it time to do what you love.
  • Celebrate what you accomplished during the day instead of focusing in what you didn’t do.
  • When feeling overwhelmed, close your eyes and take a deep breath.
  • If possible, take a nap, even if you don’t sleep, just close your eyes for a few minutes.
  • Take time to drink your tea or coffee without distractions.  Even if you have to get up 10 minutes earlier, it will be worth it.
  • Be aware of your surroundings and enjoy them.
  • When giving instructions, do it slowly, one thing at the time looking at the person’s eyes to make sure they are understanding you.
  • Be flexible, let things flow.
  • Read just for the pleasure of reading.
  • Be aware of your thoughts; you can decide what stays and what goes.

Living in the moment is all about being completely engaged. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes it as flow, a “complete absorption in what one does”.

It is possible to fully enjoy each moment we live, but remember that being mindful is an intentional focus, so for many of us it will not come naturally. But with practice and determination it could become a way to enjoy our everyday situations. 

 By Manuelita  @manuelitaotero

 http://www.helpguide.org/harvard/benefits-of-mindfulness.htm

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200810/the-art-now-six-steps-living-in-the-moment

 

 

Freedom To Be Me

manuelita otero

Have you ever felt angry all of a sudden?  That used to happen to me all the time.  One day, frustrated of that feeling and the way it was affecting me and those around me, I decided to investigate the source of that “sudden” change in me, which would take hours to get rid of.  This was the first step in the right direction because I no longer ignored things and waited for them to go away. I decided I was going to go deeper and understand it. 

After many years of “silly” fights that would often turn into ugly arguments with my then boyfriend, now husband, I seriously told myself: “It’s neither fair nor healthy to live like this”.  So I started the quest to find the cause of my anger.  I’m still not sure how the process started, but once I was willing to be more vulnerable and honest with myself I finally understood that the anger I was feeling would usually manifest itself when I would betray my principles, my essence, my beliefs and the things I enjoyed, even if they were small things, such as choosing the flavor of my ice cream or the type of pizza I wanted. 

That anger would come out when I would do what others wanted me to do, when I was doing things just to please others and to avoid confrontations.  I was taking away my right to accept myself the way I was. The saddest part was that I didn’t even realize that the things I was doing and saying were not really who I was. 

So, where am I going with all this? I think many women have felt this and sometimes they don’t take the time to face it.  Nowadays we live in such a hurry; we have so many commitments and responsibilities that we lose communication with ourselves. We tend to put in our list of priorities our family, our job, our friends, leaving no space to be on our own and spend time just thinking.  Sometimes we go to the movies, or to a party or we take an afternoon to catch up with friends, but many of us fall into the trap of believing that is enough time to dedicate to ourselves, when in reality it isn’t because those moments are with others, which are great, but are not time alone.  We need to be comfortable being on our own; we need to enjoy being by ourselves. When we don’t spend enough time alone we start to disconnect from our essence and from our personality. The key question is: How do we avoid the masks we tend to use and stop betraying ourselves? The answer may not be easy and it is very personal.  It depends on you, your lifestyle and your story, but just asking the question is already a step forward in the right direction. 

In my case, I started realizing that I needed my space.  Accepting that I was getting upset because I was acting the way others expected me to act was the hardest thing to do, but the first step to letting me be me. 

By Ana

Time to stop the wheel

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metime

When I was in school, my mom would congratulate me for doing well, and she would tell me how smart I was.  My reply was always the same: “I am not smart, I study a lot!”  And when someone would say how pretty I was, I would smile politely and say “thank you” but inside I would think that they were just trying to be nice.  What were they seeing? Were they blind?  Years later I finally realized that it was me who was blind. For some reason, I felt I was not good enough. It was hard for me to receive compliments and also hard to say nice things about myself… I would think “that is not right, is it? To be saying how special and how beautiful I am?”

There is pressure for women coming from every front. We want to be wonderful moms, sexy wives, faithful friends, good citizens, healthy women, productive workers, and caring daughters.  These are just a few of the roles we play each day.  Often when we try to do it all, we forget who we are and what we really want.  

Do you ever feel like a hamster on a wheel? Moving at the speed of light to get everything done but feeling you never get anywhere?   And we know it!  We continually talk about needing to take some time to relax, or to do what we like, or to face certain issues that we know are affecting us, but we never seem to get to them.  We just don’t take the time to slow down, to get off the wheel and just stay still.  I wonder what we are waiting for? No one is going to do it for us!  

Do we want to spend our whole life trying to keep up? Or do we want to enjoy where we are?  I know it is not a tough question, but if we are honest, we know that to be able to really enjoy our life we mustknow who we are and love ourselves. 

Have you ever seen those women who glow and you just can’t tell why?  Yet, others look beautiful, may have the most amazing outfit, but something is missing?  People may call it the “it” factor, I like to call it the “you” factor.  When you know who you are and how valuable you are, it shows.  I am not saying you or everything in your life is perfect, but you are happy, enjoying the moment along with the mess and the imperfections. 

It's time to take a moment for ourselves.  It's time to close the magazines with all the “how to” advice and diets that promise perfect bodies, it's time to ignore the books with the 10 simple steps to achieve anything and everything.  It's time to have an honest conversation with ourselves.

I tell my daughter that when she feels she is lacking flow and when things are just not clicking, to get her journal out and write.  Start by asking questions which will lead to more questions which eventually will lead to answers and yes, more questions.  It's a great way to be truthful and really find out who you are, what is bothering you and what are you missing.

Do you want to get started?

Make a decision: Do you really want to start living your life to the fullest? If you are serious about it, once you make the decision, nothing will stop you.  We can be very determined once we make up our mind.  Decide to get to know you, to listen to your inner child.  Dream big and do fun things. Decide to love all of you, imperfections and all.  

Be good to yourself: Think about this… Would you talk to your friends the same way you talk to yourself? If not, why? Be kind, be patient, be good to yourself.  I will give you some news: You are not perfect, neither am I, no one is! Don’t let great technology and awesome filters make you think otherwise, and don’t think that everyone lives in those perfectly decorated homes in which everyone is always smiling.  Those are just commercials selling a dream.  Trying to reach out to be our best, is much more fun and motivating than wanting to attain perfection, which is impossible!  Check your standards in all the roles of your life, are they realistic? Or are you basing them on magazine covers and society’s values? Why are you allowing others to dictate how you feel about yourself?

Stop complaining and do something: Sometimes we expect for things to change, but we keep doing the same things.  How do we suppose our attitude will improve if we spend the only time we have for ourselves with group of friends complaining about our children, about how busy we are, and criticizing our neighbors? How does that make us a better person?  

I loved this advice from the book Savor by Thich Nhat Hanh and Dr. Lilian Cheung:  “Don’t just wait for your negative feelings to pass; complaining will not change your life. Change your thinking and let go of limitations you impose on yourself.”   

Getting to know ourselves is a very exciting journey that will change our perception of things.  We are amazing, interesting, talented and beautiful women. It's time to decide the direction we want our life to take. 

By Manuelita  @manuelitaotero