Owning it

In my country, Colombia, there is an obsession to buy a home.  I don’t know if it is the culture or the way we have been brought up, but it is a reality.  Although buying your own house or apartment is an achievement, a great investment, and a step toward your goals, it seems that people “lose value” if they do not have their own house by the time they are 35. It has become a standard to measure happiness, success, and how much money people have.

We live in a society where personal achievements never seem to measure up to the idea of owning your own house. Some people may think that meeting the love of your life, doing what you love, being able to take your parents, no matter their age, to the trip of their dreams, or feeling peaceful because you have found your spiritual journey or a healthy lifestyle are all secondary things to owning your own place.

Where am I going with all this? I just think it is terrible that we could be missing our present just because we don’t have our own space.  I’m tired of the word “own.” So, I started looking at things from a different perspective. “Own” can mean my own style, a place decorated with the things I like. “Own” could be a unique space I love, or a house filled with my personality. Ellen Langer, psychologist of Harvard and author of the book “Mindfulness” says, “Human beings need to live in the moment.  Living in the moment is a state of active attention, open and intentional in the present where we observe more and we judge less… where we connect with what surrounds us”.  

If the house comes, great, but if it doesn’t, it’s ok. I can focus on enjoying what I have now; in making my space beautiful for me. All of this reminds me of an apartment we were renting not too long ago.  My husband used to tell me: “this place doesn’t feel mine.”  I tried to convince him to feel comfortable there, to try to be happy because the day would come when we would get our own place.  But now that we live in another rented apartment I understand that it was not about buying a place, it was about taking the time to make it “ours” in the present instead of worrying and waiting about what we want to own in the future.  

 Ana

Let Your Home Tell a Story

We just moved into an apartment and we decided to use our “fancy” and more comfortable sofa in the family room, since that is where we spend most of our time.  Our sofa is beige and before we moved in we said no drinks or food near the area.  This rule was soon broken, starting with me because I wanted to sit there and drink my coffee and my children wanted to be able to eat snacks while watching T.V. 

It seems that sometimes we decorate our home to make it look beautiful and appealing for our guests, but we forget that it should also be comfortable and enjoyable for the people who live in it. 

When was the last time you had a candle dinner with your “expensive” silverware and the china you only take out for special occasions? Or how often do you sit in your “fancy” living room and just enjoy a hot cup of tea?  Do you listen to your favorite music when you are cooking or relaxing? Why do we seem to decorate our home for our guests, instead of enjoying it for ourselves every day? 

“Find yourself by recognizing what gives you pleasure, what makes you feel good and brings you delight. The act of separating yourself from what is phony, pretentious or trendy opens wide doors to reveal the real you.” Alexandra Stoddard

Our home is our refuge; it should reflect who we are and what we enjoy.  What good is it to have expensive furniture if we are constantly worried that our children, pets or guests are going to ruin it?  We want our home to give us peace of mind, not an additional source of stress. 

Our house doesn’t have to be big or elegant; it should be comfortable and reflect who we are. In our house we need to have certain spaces where we feel so good that all we can do is smile. Designer Joy Cho says, “Your home is your sanctuary, it should reflect the emotions you want to surround yourself with” So what emotions are you looking forward to be around in your home? 

Here are some ideas for you to enjoy your home even more: 

- Get a fresh start: Get serious about de-cluttering.  Whatever you don’t use, doesn’t add value or just takes space should go.  We feel lighter and happier when we get rid of things we don’t need.  Not only that, but it also makes it easier to keep our house organized and clean.

- Surround yourself with beautiful things: We often hear that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that is true.  We all appreciate different things and those things are the ones we should enjoy more often and have around our house.

I love candles, flowers, music, bright paintings, tribal prints and cushions; and that is what I love to see when I walk around my space.  Use the beautiful things you have, share your collections by displaying them and using them if possible. 

- Make sure you enjoy what you have: Eat at the table using your “fancy” dishes, whether you are alone or with family and friends. 

Find your comfy place to relax in your home. If you don’t have one, make one. Try to work by a window or a place where you can look away and be inspired.   Do you have a fireplace, bathtub, Jacuzzi, pool, or gym? Use it!   Remember to take advantage of the outside too; a balcony, patio and nearby park can all become an extension of your home. 

Keep exploring to find what you like to do and how you can enjoy your home even more. Remember it is your special place. Let your home tell a story… your story.

Manuelita   @manuelitaotero

My Own Space

Let’s take a tour around your home, walking slowly from room to room.  Let’s visit the places where you spend most of your time, maybe it's an area where you have fun with your children or the garden where you spend quiet time or the kitchen where you let your creativity flow.  After observing every room, did you see an area that you would consider yours?  A cozy hide-away where you work, think, or simply relax?  

As I was preparing to write about this topic, I took my own advice and slowly observed each area of our home. There is definitely a little of me in each room, but I also realized that there is not one special place for me. A place where I can work, recharge my batteries, and spend time on my own.  I usually work in our dining room so that area is a little cluttered, full of piles of books and projects that I will get to one day.  I quickly get bored so I need to have several things going on at the same time, so you can imagine my mess! The more I thought about what to write, the more determined I became of practicing what I preached; I decided to create my own space.  As soon as I made the decision I did what I always do when I come up with an idea, I ran to the library. (Yes, I'm old fashion, what can I say?) I got as many books on decorating and design as I could carry, but soon I realized that to make my special place the books with decorating ideas were not the main thing, what I was going to need was quiet time to define what I wanted to surround myself with.  I needed to answer these questions: What do I love? What makes me happy? And what helps my creativity flow? 

The visit to the library was worthwhile because I came across one book called A Room of Her Own by Chris Madden.  It is full of beautiful photos of women’s personal spaces.  The places were as different as the women who spent their time in them and that is what I loved!  The variety, the originality, and the personal imprint each area had.  

My special place has to be a reflection of who I am; a place where I can see my dreams in the making.  Others may see a mess, cutouts from magazines stuck to the wall, photos, books and papers in different piles, but I see projects coming closer to reality; a space far away from noise and distraction.  

As if I needed any more incentive, in the book Finding Flow by Mihay Csikszentmihaly, I read that most women feel their best moods in the bathroom where they are free from demands and in the kitchen, where they are in control…. What? Are you kidding me?  If I am in the bathroom taking a nice warm bath I can understand it, but not if I am hiding from everyone looking for a second of peace and quiet, and in the kitchen?  I like to prepare nice meals for my family, but I could find other places to spend my free time.  This was the last straw which made me pack up my “dining room” office and occupy what I decided was going to be my creativity haven. Here are some ideas to get started: 

• Get your spot:  Look around and when you see the place where you can possibly make your hide out, claim it!    The place doesn’t have to be big or fancy; it could be a special sofa in a corner or a small room in the attic or a large walk in closet that you could turn into a mini office. It just has to be yours, and hopefully with little distractions. Think what do you dream of doing here? Do you want to create, to be inspired? Or to relax and enjoy the silence?   

• Get to know you: Take time to get to know awesome you.  What do you dream of doing? What do you love? What would you like to do if you had the time and the money? I love tribal patterns, bright colors, candles, flowers and photos.  I love beautiful things; I like to cut magazines to get ideas; I am not sure for what, but I figure when those ideas are ready, they will come out, so I like to have them close by.  That is what I am planning to surround myself with. 

• Get the right color palette:  Are you inspired by the sea and the sky or are you energized by bold colors or maybe you prefer to be surrounded by cool green tones that will help you unwind. Consider colors that make you feel amazing and use them to create your cave’s basic palette.

• Get to work:  In my mind my place looks as great as all those beautiful photos in the book I saw, but in reality it is more like a quilt with a lot of things that don’t match or are out of place, and yes, just as messy as my office in the dining room. I made my challenge even more interesting, I will not buy new things for my place, not only to save money but also to reuse, rediscover, and reinvent. Start small.  It's better to add later than to overstuff your space or to overspend.  And don’t forget to take some photos before you start your quest, don’t you just love the before and after effect in magazines? 

As women we spend most of our days nurturing, feeding, cleaning, solving problems at work or at home, and doing a thousand more things; we don’t want our energy, wisdom, and peace to run out. So, we need a stress free zone to reload.  I just have to be patient and realize that to create a special place takes time, but as messy as my new office looks now it makes me happy to have a place of my own.

Manuelita @manuelitaotero